Big girls don't cry? Oh yes they do!!

I don't know what has been going on with my pregnancy hormones lately, but I will cry at the drop of the hat! I can feel it welling up inside of me and I try my hardest not to, but its like my emotions take over my body and the tears come flowing down like Niagara Falls. I'm usually not a big crier so this new emotion or way of expressing my emotions has me puzzled. Don't even think about watching a sad movie or TV show around me, you will never get me to stop crying. I even cried at reading a friend's blog the other day that was talking about a child losing her battle to cancer and I was at work! I feel like my body is trying to go through a cleansing process and the only way to do that is to cry out all the toxins it finds in my body.


For example, this past Friday night I was sitting at home alone (John was in Austin for the basketball playoffs) and I was bored out of my mind and bummed that there wasn't anything to do. Then I started thinking about the last time I had some fun and couldn't remember the last time. Which lead to my body releasing the damn of Niagara Falls and before I knew it I was sobbing and calling John on the phone to tell him how unfair life is. When I look back at the situation, I laugh, because I get to experience this wonderful thing that only a woman can, and John can never experience. I also have had fun since becoming pregnant, like my shower a few weeks back or my friend’s 30th birthday party, but for some reason I wanted to throw myself a pity party. I can only imagine what John is thinking when I come to him with these crazy sobbing thoughts. I’m blessed he is an awesome husband and always makes me feel better about things and never tells me I'm crazy, which if I was him I would have told myself in a loud voice.

I did find that retail therapy helps with these bouts of sadness, as I shopped the day away Saturday and Sunday. And John being the great hubby that he is came with me on Sunday and let me do my thing without saying a word.

Thank goodness I only have a month left because I don't know if my wallet or John could take any more of me. Until then I've stocked up on Kleenex and told myself to enjoy these last few weeks before my life changes forever.

I'm blessed

I wanted to write this blog to simply state that I am blessed in every way possible and with all the negative that is out in the world these days I wanted to put some good vibes out there.

This past week we've been shown an out pouring of love from friends, family, and coworkers for our little Evan. Last Saturday I had my baby shower with friends and family and was surprised at the turnout and gifts we received from everyone. Things were crazy setting up before the shower and during, but afterwards I sat down to soak it all in and almost started crying happy tears at all the love I felt from everyone. Even friends that couldn’t' be there made their presence known with sweet cards and notes and adorable things for Evan. I know I take for granted the loved ones in my life, and I don't always express my appreciation for the things they do and say to make life better. Today I’m stopping to acknowledge them and to say I LOVE YOU!

I had my work shower yesterday and was blown away again by the outpouring of love for me, my husband, and Evan. I really did have to choke back my happy tears so I didn't look like a fool in front of everyone but I couldn't ask for a better home away from home. It's nice to know and be reminded that there are still good people out there.

I keep saying that I'm going to get better at calling people or writing people letters but life gets away from me and I don't seem to get around to it. Well, today I just want to say thank you and I appreciate each and every one of you that are in my life. I don't know what I would do with out you. I can't wait for Evan to get here and meet everyone that is already supporting and loving him. It makes me have some comfort in this other wise cold and scary thing we call life, to know that he will be coming into a support circle that is warm and loving.

I am definitely blessed!

What the hell have I gotten myself into??

Earlier this week John and I started our Child birth preparation class. I signed up for this class hoping it was going to ease my anxiety about giving birth and being responsible for this little life we are about to have. The class covers everything from labor to breastfeeding to important things to know when you bring the baby home. The class meets once a week for 2 hours for the next six weeks to cover everything. A great class for first time parents right?! That's what I thought.


The first couple of classes cover nothing but labor, which is great because that is what I'm most petrified of. The instructor had us watch up video on natural child birth that literally scared the crap out of me. While I was watching the video I had this sudden urge to burst out into laughter or to start bawling. You know those uncomfortable moments when your body doesn't know how to react so both emotions hit you at the same time. As the video went through each stage of labor (there are 3 by the way) I felt my anxiety growing and growing. In fact I found the video to be a bit on the repulsive side. I know a lot of people out there think child birth is a beautiful thing and it is in a way. It's beautiful that you get this amazing child out of it that you will love forever. The not so beautiful thing is the actual process of giving birth. I shudder just thinking about it.

When the video was over the instructor started going into more detail about the process that took me from being repulsed to being scared beyond words. I was thinking to myself the entire time, I don't want to do this!! I mean why couldn't men have the challenge of giving birth?? They are stronger; they have a higher pain tolerance, and most of the time love and the guts and blood scary stuff. It's not for me and I'm wondering if I'm going to survive Evan's birth. I know women have done this for years, and have survived but that doesn’t' mean I will. I don't have a high pain tolerance and I don't want to lose it in front of everyone.

I had nightmares that night after class about being in labor and I'm nervous about our next class. I keep telling myself it will get better and I have to come to terms with this. I have no choice. I'm just going to keep giving myself pep talks and praying that I don't have a hard labor. The things we do for our kids, and mine isn't even here yet!

No rest for the weary

I'm writing this entry as a plea to Mr. Sandman to stop skipping over me at night, and to bring back the days of the restful and peaceful sleep that I used to get a couple of months ago! Gone are my nights of drifting off to Robyn's World and staying there until morning. Now my nights are filled with waking up six or seven times to deal with various things that annoy me to no end.

As the baby gets bigger my bladder gets smaller (I think I can hold about a capful of liquid now), I'm up at least 4 or 5 times to pee. I thought I was outsmarting my body by not drinking anything an hour or so before I go to bed, but somehow it still manages to produce liquid that I have to pee out. If it was as simple as getting up, going to the bathroom, and then heading back to sleep I'd be ok with that, but it's not. Since I'm much bigger now I have to sleep with a fortress of pillows around me so I can be a little bit on the comfortable side. To get up and walk to the bathroom it takes me kicking or climbing over this wall of pillows and then getting everything back to how it was when I crawl back in bed. This is no easy feat seeing that it's dark and I'm half asleep. Sometimes this rebuilding process wakes me up and gets my brain going and I can't fall back asleep.

I also wake up 2 or 3 times a night several times a week with horrible charlie horses. I've tried everything to keep these awful things at bay, but they seem to come with a vengeance immune to anything I do to stop them. Eating a banana before bed doesn't help. Drinking water doesn't help. Stretching doesn't even help. And these charlie horses aren't child's play cramps; no they are the mother of all charlie horses. The kind that make you whole leg tense up and your toes curl like your being electrocuted or something. In fact, I bet getting electrocuted would hurt less. They are so bad that the next day I almost walk around with a limp because my muscles are so sore. My calf muscles feel like I put in an hour on the stair master at the gym without the results to prove it.

As of a couple days ago, I'm getting woke up with a new symptom, pelvic pain. I really don't know how to describe it other than I feel like where my legs meet my torso are going to unhinge from my body and that I'm going to have Evan at any minute. I have this pain during the day as well, but for some reason it intensifies at night. I've been reading in my pregnancy book that this may be caused by lightening, which is when the baby starts to drop in your pelvis and your tissues in your pelvis begin to soften to prepare your body for labor. Can you say fun times!?!

I'm surprised I get any sleep at all with all of these things going on. I've learned how to put concealer on like the pros to cover up the bags under my eyes. And if you are a mom-to-be reading this, a concelear with a green tint helps conceal dark bags so you look refreshed, something I found out while trying out various concelear products. I know all of these disturbances at night is God's way to prepare me for having a newborn at home, since I've heard your up on average every 2 to 3 hours. I know when Evan is here, I won't mind waking up to his sweet little face. For the time being I'm annoyed at all these side effects and just want a descent night’s sleep.

She's a brick house!

I know most of my entries have been about food or gaining weight, so if you’re looking to read something different do not read on! I am feeling absolutely huge lately! And it doesn't help when I get comments from people saying "Wow! You’re really getting BIG!" or "Oh my goodness, your showing BIG TIME!" I mean, how am I supposed to respond to that!??

John and I have joked from the beginning of this pregnancy about getting big and chunky. For all you Madagascar 2 fans out there, there is a scene in the movie where one hippo is telling the girl hippo why he is attracted to her. He has this song and dance that he does around her singing, "Girl you big! You chunky!" So that is what John does to me. And before anyone gets all upset, it’s not in a rude way. He does it in a joking funny way. Anyway, last night I was taken a little by surprise when I was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner. He poked his head out of the bedroom to say something to me, and the next thing I heard was, "Dang! You are getting huge!" My first thought was, I'll show you huge! I just responded to him stating the obvious that I was carrying HIS baby and it’s not like I was huge just because. He promptly followed it up with he didn't mean it in a bad way, he just hadn't noticed how big my stomach was getting before and that he thought I looked beautiful (sigh, I would normally take that compliment at face value but since he just called me huge I didn't believe one word).
I'll admit I feel huge! It’s getting harder and harder to move around. Getting in and out of bed is a chore in which I have to roll to one side and use that momentum to get up, getting up and down from the couch is hard too. John can thank me for his awesome bicep muscles because I reach for his hand every time to pull my big butt up. Yesterday when I was straightening up the guest room upstairs and putting away pictures I tried squeezing by the dresser and bed post, which in the past hasn't been a problem at all. This time I got stuck and couldn't squeeze by. I had to crawl on the bed and scoot over to the other side. Which made me feel like a rollie pollie.
My size small maternity clothes that I bought at the first of my pregnancy don't really even cover my belly and I'm constantly tugging on the shirts to pull them down. I'm starting to get scared that little Evan is getting so big it will be impossible to deliver him the natural way. I know I’m going to be in pain, but if I keep growing at this rate I may not survive giving birth to him!
I keep meaning to post pics of myself, but I'm afraid it will really hurt my self esteem. The crazy thing is I have another month and a half of growing! At least I know that Evan is healthy and is gaining the weight he should and for that I'd grow to hundreds of pounds if need be.

Mineral wanted

For the past month or so I have been dragging through my day and wondering where all my energy has gone. I knew making a baby would drain you of energy, but it's like I hit a brick wall of a sudden and could barely get up the energy to open my eyes. I had my question answered the other day during my doctor appointment. I had my blood drawn for a glucose test to see if I had gestational diabetes and I guess they tested it for other things, because I got a call from my doctor saying I was anemic. This means my iron levels are low.


I've been taking iron supplements lately but I guess they aren't doing the job and I need to up the milligrams on my iron intake and start eating foods rich in iron (ties back to the diet plan my doc put me on too). Not only does being anemic make you tired, but it also plays a factor in mood swings. I'll admit that lately I've been a little on the irritable side and I get annoyed easily. My poor husband has been the main culprit catching my mood swings. I know I'm being moody sometimes but there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Iron or the lack of it will also make you forgetful. This explains why I've left my car running in the store parking lot (see earlier blog) and also in my garage for 2 hours. Yep, that's right 2 hours! Thank goodness I went out there to put some bottles in the recycling bin b/c it probably would have run all night. I've also had a case or two of forgetting people's name that I know. And I'm not talking about a random person; I'm talking about family members and friends. It's been bad, and I feel awful about it when a brain fart hits.

Who would have known that one little mineral could wreak so much havoc on ones life? I've started taking my supplements in the morning and at night now and eating as much broccoli that I can get my hands on. I won't go into details about what that does to your body, but there are side effects of taking iron supplements.

I know that one day when Evan is mad at me for something; I can say to him that I loved him so much I made sacrifices for him before he was even born. That should end any argument right?!? LOL!

Say What?!?!

One word a girl never wants to hear, let alone a pregnant girl, is the word D-I-E-T! I was slapped hard across the ears with this word last week when I went in for my usual monthly check up. One of the first things they do at the doctor's office when you first go in to see them is take your blood pressure and weigh you. I've never been scared or worried about this at any doctor’s office, as I've never had to struggle with weight. I owe that to my incredibly lean genes given to me by mom and dad. For those of you that know me, I love junk food! And lately I haven't come across a desert that I don't like or can say no too.

So, I thought nothing of it when I got on the scale and the nurse took my weight and wrote it down. When the doctor walked into the waiting room I noticed she had a packet in her hand but I thought it was some info regarding the next 2 months of my pregnancy. Boy was I wrong!

She started out the conversation with what I call the "manager sandwich". This is where you get good news, followed by bad news, followed by good news. "Your doing great and tracking well so far in your pregnancy," said my doc. "But you've put on more than 5 pounds in the past month, and it's standard protocol for us to put anyone that's gained more than 5 pounds on a diet plan."

Do what?!? I'm sorry what did you just say? A diet plan!! What the hell!?!

She then continued with "You are still under the amount of weight we'd like to see you put on, but if you keep going down this path you won't be." I must admit that I felt like I got hit by a two by four. You NEVER want to tell any woman she is fat especially if she is 7 months pregnant! Granted she didn't say I was fat but that's how I heard it, and I wanted to crawl under the table and hide for the rest of my pregnancy. I feel big as it is and now I'm hearing my own doctor tell me I need to go on a diet plan! She then handed me the packet that listed out my "new" diet. It was all things I've seen and heard before. I need cut out sugars and fat and replace them with healthy alternatives like fruits and vegetables. And before I get everyone worked up, my doctor did say she was by no means telling me to starve myself or even cut back on the amount of food I'm eating. She just wanted to see me make healthier choices.

I will admit that I could make healthier choices in the foods I eat. For some reason I can't get enough sugar during this pregnancy. I want ice cream, and cake, and pies and if you even mention the word candy bar in my presence you better be prepared to hand over a Snickers or Twix bar!

So, from here on out I'm going to make a conscious effort to eat healthier. Not saying that I won't eat any sugar, because that's just ludicrous, but I will cut back on it and start reaching more for apples and broccoli. Yum!