A feeling like no other

I'm getting to the stage now where I can feel the baby move and it is a feeling like no other! I mostly feel baby Chilcoat at night or when I eat a lot of sugar. For some reason I have been craving sweets lately, especially nerds. About 20 minutes after I eat them I'll start to feel the little one move around. I've always wondered and asked people what it feels like when a living thing inside of you is moving. It was like some kind of freak show to me, that my mind just couldn’t fathom. I don't know really how to describe this wonderful feeling. I've heard some people say it feels like gas bubbles, but that's not how it feels to me. It’s more like a little pang or twinge. When I first felt it I thought I had really light cramps, but after awhile I realized that wasn't it at all. It doesn't hurt, but it is definitely a feeling like no other.


I find myself in bed at night looking forward to the baby moving, and it doesn't happen every night yet but I do feel the little one at least three or four times a week. I also find myself trying to play games with him or her. The movement is usually on one side of my lower stomach or the other, and if the baby is really active whenever I feel a pang of movement I tap or push back lightly to see if the baby will push back. I don't think I'm far enough along yet to play that game, but I swear one night baby Chilcoat was up for the challenge and played my game for a few minutes.

I really can't wait for John to be able to feel it. He gets so excited when I tell him the baby is moving, and I can tell he wants to feel something too. Right now the baby moving is the highlight of my day and I can't help but smile every time it happens. I feel closer to the baby and the realness of being pregnant is that much greater. I picture the baby doing a dance routine when I'm listening to the radio or singing or tying to find a comfortable spot at night when I'm going to sleep. It's amazing how much my imagination runs wild now that I can feel this bundle of joy inside of me. The feeling is incredible and I can't wait for the baby to get bigger, so I can feel this joy all the time!

Me at 18 weeks

So Anxious.....

I've been feeling a lot of anxiety lately and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. What am I so anxious about? Well, the list seems to go on and on and if you ask John if I don't relax and let things happen my head might explode or twist around in circles like a character out of a horror movie.


The thing that has really been pressing on my mind lately is what the sex of the baby is that I'm carrying. The suspense is killing me! Don't doctors and Mother Nature realize what all depends on the sex of the baby? You have the nursery you have to put together, bedding, clothes, names and a million other things. I think they both need to cooperate and be able to tell you sooner than 5 months. I mean that only gives you four months to prepare, FOUR MONTHS! That's nothing! Heck, we planned and prepped for our trip to Europe this past summer for longer than that. This does not sit well with my A-type personality either. I have to plan, I have to have things in order, and I have to have more time than four measly months!

I know women have been having babies for hundreds and thousands of years without knowing the sex of the baby, and I say kudos to them! But I NEED TO KNOW! If it wasn't for the scheduled ultrasound that I have on December 10th I probably would have lost my mind by now and I'd be sitting in a mental institution. It’s just not the sex of the baby that is making me anxious, I feel like I have a million things to do around the house to prepare for our little one. There is the upstairs bathroom that needs to be painted and textured because the flowered wallpaper up there literally makes me nauseous. We are also getting bids on replacing the bathroom counter top because for some reason the hip thing to do in the early 80's was to put in seashell sinks. Yes I know that life will go on without getting the bathroom updated. I know though that if we don't do the project now it will never get done. And I'm almost certain that the baby wants a pretty bathroom (well, somewhat.....just don't tell John the baby could care less because that's my only angle to get him motivated to get these things done).

I also need to buy all of the nursery furniture. I have the crib and that's it. In fact, you can't even call it a complete crib because I don't have the mattress to go inside that crib. Not to mention the fact that it’s still in the box and needs to be put together still. So, that's something else I need to add to the list. But, I can't get the furniture until I get the nursery painted (see above on the sex of the baby as to why it’s not painted yet). I won't even go into all the baby stuff I still need to buy because that will take all day.

I guess as the weeks and months go by things will get done and come together. Right now I'll just keep feeling this anxiety because in a way it is a motivator to take care of everything. In fact, maybe that's Mother Nature’s way of making sure parents and moms get things together for the baby! Who knows? What I do know is that I have a very busy couple of months ahead of me before the baby gets here. I am learning new ways of dealing with this anxiety which is good, but I will say that I cannot wait to have a glass of wine again. Perhaps I’ll have that first glass in the new remodeled bathroom or the cute nursery. Then I can smile and feel a sense of accomplishment as all the anxiety I’ve been building up these past few months melts away.

Is this a dream or reality?

One of the side effects of pregnancy that I've read about is very vivid and crazy dreams, which I must say has hit me with a vengeance. These aren't the kind of dreams you forget about when you wake up either. They feel very real and stay on my mind for a couple of days afterwards.


Some are great, like the dream I had last week about dancing with Michael Jackson on a huge stage and out of nowhere Brad Pitt joins us and I got to shake my booty with both of them with the biggest smile on my face. In fact, I was featured in one of MJ's concerts! Many of you know that I am a big MJ fan, always have been. I saw him as one of the greatest entertainers of all time and his music makes you want to get up and rock with it for a while. I also think Brad Pitt is the sexiest man alive (besides my husband), so this was a great feel good fantasy dream. In fact when I'm feeling down I go back to that dream in my head and it makes me smile.

Some dreams are weird, like the dream I had last night about Jon and Kate Plus 8. Why I dreamt about them, I have no clue; I don't even watch that show. In my dream they were on the run from the law and media and I was with them running through the woods and eating berries and leaves to survive. I was trying to lead them to an old farm house I had so they could live happily ever after. Of course we had all sorts of things chasing us and I turned into the medicine woman because one of the kids broke her leg, but the dream felt so real that when I woke up I had to collect my thoughts and wonder why in the world I would have such a crazy dream.

Some dreams are scary, and they feel so real that I wake myself up from them. Like the dream I had about a tornado coming right at my house and I couldn't find John or the dogs and I was running around like a mad woman trying to get everything in order. In my dream I was crying and screaming for John and my family and when I made myself wake up I actually had tears running down my face. I have never had a dream where I woke up crying, so for the next day I tried to figure out what metaphor the tornado was trying to portray and dig into my inner psych to see what I was scared of.

Of course all these dreams are because of my out-of-whack hormones right now, but I must say I feel like I could become a producer or writer for a big blockbuster Hollywood movie. I almost wonder if this is how producers like Steven King or Jerry Bruckheimer get their ideas and they just put them on paper?? So, from here on out I'm going to keep a dream journal. You never know I could retire off one of my wacky dreams when it makes its way to the big screen. A girl can dream right?!?