Now that Evan is 16 months and can walk and eat almost anything, we find ourselves in a major parenting intersection. Should we put Evan in daycare or not? I for one thought this decision was going to be easy when we got to this point in Evan's life, but it's far from it.
On one hand I want Evan to learn the social aspect of life that daycare can bring. How to interact with kids his age, share toys, and learn from his surroundings. I'd like him to see that there is life outside the walls of our house and his nana's. I constantly question if I'm teaching or showing him the right things to set up him up for a successful future. Should I be reading more books? Singing more songs? Exploring more with him? These questions may seem silly but they eat me up inside. I want the best for Evan and want him to have every opportunity that life can give him.
Right now John's mom watches Evan, which has been a blessing. It was comforting going back to work after maternity leave knowing he was in such loving hands. I love getting my daily picture text of Evan from Patricia (a.k.a nana) and hearing how their day went at the end of each work day. However, with that has come a personal struggle. Grandparents are known to spoil their grandchildren and that theory has proven true with us. It's also been a different situation since it's John's mom watching E on how I deal with conflicts that arise. I have to walk a very thin line, which can be tricky sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change or move that line for anything but it can be challenging.
So when the day came that John and I realized that Evan could go to daycare I thought the decision would be an easy one, but I'm finding it hard to let go. Now that E is older he is very aware of strangers and does not hesitate to shake his head no or start crying if he doesn't like you or want you around him. For instance, we tried getting back involved in our church and taking Evan to the church daycare so we could go to the Sunday morning service. When we would drop him off they would give us a pager that goes off in case something goes wrong and they need you to come back to the nursery. Every single Sunday for a month straight the pager would go off and I would head to where he was only to find him hysterically bawling, face red, sweating, and scared to death. You can only imagine how that made me feel. I worry that transitioning Evan to daycare will be a really difficult one for him. And I know this sounds extreme but I wonder if the change/move will scar him for life (hey, I didn't say that my concerns weren't irrational).
Evan is also one of the lightest sleepers I know. In fact, we have to turn a fan on in his room when we put him down to sleep because any little noise will wake him up and sleep time will be over. You can only imagine how little sleep John and I got when he was sleeping in his bassinet in our room when he was a newborn. So, when I found out that all of the kids have nap time where they are to fall asleep on a mat I thought to myself there is no way in hell that is happening for Evan. My mind started racing instantly wondering if my child would ever nap again. And for all the mom's out there we know how little sleep can affect the mood of our child. Evan, for one, grows a second head that snares and growls at you. It's quite scary!
I'm not so irrational to not know that thousands of kids have made this transition and at some point Evan will get used to it. It's that initial hump that keeps me up at night, scared to make the move.
If it's this hard to make a parenting decision now, I'm scared of the decisions I'm going to have to make when Evan's in high school. I can only hope and pray that over the years we make the best decisions for Evan. So the next time you see me and half my head is full of grey hair, you know why!
