Legacy

This weekend a known Dallas DJ, Kidd Kraddick, passed away and it has rocked my world more than I ever thought it would. Although I didn't know him personally, I felt like I did because I listened to his show every single morning on the way to work. Since moving to Dallas 9 years ago, his show has made me laugh even on mornings I didn't feel like laughing let alone smiling. I feel like he's been with me through a lot of my life's chapters. From being a college graduate and having my first real job to moving into our first home to both of my maternity leaves. I knew I could count on Kidd Kraddick in the Morning to offer a fun and fresh look on life. He was a wonderful man that did so much for the community. His big passion was helping out terminally ill kids and making sure they had a life memory by hosting a annual trip to Disney World for the kids and their family.

The sudden death got me thinking about my life and what impact I've had on those around me. What legacy would I leave behind? How have I made life better for those that I have come in contact with? And ultimately, how would I be remembered? It's made me realize that I could and need to do more for the community. I need to be involved in something that gives back. I've been blessed with an amazing life so far, and I often take it for granted. I want to be a positive role model for my kids, so they want to give back as they get older. I want to live my life so that when Evan and Logan think of fairness and integrity, they think of me. The only way to do that is to lead by example.

I've participated in several community service days through my work, and I always leave feeling good about myself and those around me. There is something about helping others out without expecting anything back in return. I love the feeling so much that I often pay for the person behind me coffee at Starbuck's on Friday, telling the drive through agent to tell them to have a great day and to pay it forward.

However, the few days here and there and paying for someone's coffee isn't enough. If you have any suggestions on charities or non-profit businesses that are near and dear to you, I'm all ears. Let's all leave a positive mark in this world for our children and society!

R.I.P Kidd Kraddick

Mental Snap Shots

The older my boys get the more I realize how quickly time goes by and the more I try to desperately find a way to slow down time. I look back over the past three years since becoming a parent and can't believe how quickly time has gone by.

Any lingering baby qualities have totally gone in Evan. He is talking great, is 100% potty trained, and doesn't even sit in a booster seat at the table anymore. He also reminds me daily that he can do everything by himself and doesn't need my help. It's a little sad and hard to slowly let go so he can become a young man. I already find myself reminiscing about how things were when he was younger.

So, when I do have these moments that he is my baby again, I force myself to take a mental snapshot and store it in my brain forever. For instance last night when I was laying with him in his bed after I had tucked him in as we do every night, I couldn't help but notice how angelic he looked. His childhood innocence radiating around him. The mom in me wanted to squeeze him and tell him how much I love him and these moments like this. Instead I just laid there staring at my angel and taking it all in. I reminded myself to take a mental snapshot because one day even this little tradition would be something of the past.

I also find myself doing the same thing with Logan. I can't believe that we are almost through the first year of his life. I feel like he is growing up even faster than Evan did. And although I still have some baby time left with him, I know it's like sand through an hour glass and pretty soon he's going to be a little boy and no longer my baby. Whether it's rocking him to sleep, watching him discover something new or learning a new milestone my brain is frantically taking mental snap shots of it all.

I know we have a ton of new memories before us, but right now I just want to pause time and relish in the current moment.

The way Logan squeals in delight when I walk in the room after being gone at work all day or the way he plays with my necklace at night to help him nod off to sleep. Or the way Evan's eyes light up when I yell pillow fight as he scrambles for a pillow or how when I tell him I love him so much, he gives me a dimpled smile back and says "so much!" To some people this may seem trivial and small, but to me it's everything and so are they!

Something tells me letting go and letting them find their own way will never get easier, so as we go through each age and stage you can be certain that my brain will continue to take these mental snapshots that I'll treasure forever!

Enjoying Mother's Day at the park with my boys

 

A backyard picnic with my babies

10 months and counting

That cheesy grin gets me every time

Getting my sea legs

I think one of the biggest misconceptions people have is that after your first baby you got the parenting thing down. For some things I agree wholeheartedly with this train of thought. You don't stress as much over the little things. You understand that when your baby cries it's usually because he or she is hungry, tired, has a dirty diaper, or just wants to be picked up (it's not that you are a horrible parent). You also know what to expect the second time around like the sleepless nights, feeding schedules, and how different your life is with kids.

Even with all this knowledge and experience from your first, when the second comes along it can be a whole new ball game. Each pregnancy is even different. For example, when I was pregnant with Evan I felt like some gave me a dose of happy pills. I loved everything about my pregnancy and how I felt. It was complete opposite with Logan. I had morning sickness, a bad case of pregnancy hormones and couldn't wait to be unpregnant.

That should have been my first clue as to how different two babies' can be. Evan was a laid back baby and everything seemed to come easy for him. He was sleeping through the night at 10 weeks. His laid back attitude to life even carried through to his milestones and how he hit them. He was perfectly content having us carry him everywhere (hence the reason he didn't start walking until he was 16 months old). All he had to do was whimper or look at something and I jumped up to get it for him (yet another reason he was delayed on his speech and didn't start really talking until after his 2nd birthday). At the time I stressed about it all. I mean EVERYTHING! In reality, having this laid back baby for our first was exactly what John and I needed. Especially if we were ever going to entertain the thought of baby #2.

As soon as John and I started feeling like we had this parenting thing down, we decided to try for baby #2, and soon after we welcomed Logan into this world. Logan has turned what we thought we knew on its head. From birth, he has been a mover and a shaker. Sleep was only something that hindered him,  which meant many restless nights of John and I taking turns to walk up to his nursery to attempt to get him to go back to sleep. He has been blowing by milestones left and right. Crawling and cruising sooner, starting solids earlier, and although we can't make out what he is saying the boy is a talker! He has also showed us that it is possible for your heart to grow even more and the love you have for your children to deepen.

At first it was really hard to adjust to having two children under the age of 2. The days of resting when the baby rest were over. Anyone with a toddler knows they only have two gears; high speed and sleep. I also found I got less help with Logan because people figured I had it taken care of being a second time parent. Couple the endless energy of a toddler with the sporadic sleep schedule of a newborn and less help and you are left with one disoriented, frazzled momma (that would be me)! Juggling two kids was hard. REALLY HARD! As the months went by I kept thinking it would get easier, but as with life the only thing that happened was things got busier. I was now juggling two babies, work, being a wife, housework, and trying to keep friendships up with those I cared about. 

Of course the good days outnumbered the bad (they always do), and I couldn't imagine my life without my two boys. But it took me almost 10 months to finally get my parenting sea legs. I'm now sleeping through the night (thank goodness for sleep training), I can make dinner, change a diaper, hold the baby, and play a mean game of pack the trunk.

Having two kids has changed my outlook on everything, and it's definitely made me more compassionate to parents with more than one kid (I don't even want to know how parents of more than two kids do it!) I'm content with my family of 4 and even more content that the fog is starting to clear and I'm feeling like myself again.