Feeling like me again

These past 13 months have been a whirlwind of excitement, emotion, and adjustment and even though it's been a little over a year since I had Evan, it's taken me that long to start to feel like myself again. The one thing I never fully understood is how much having a baby will change your life and you. I think this is more so for the moms because they go through 9 months of being pregnant. The crazy influx of hormones and changes in your body does something to you that I can't even explain. It's a wonderful thing, and I wouldn't change it for the world but it's also different and comes with its ups and downs.


I feel like the last year has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I was trying to adjust to my new life of being a new mom, working, and trying to keep in touch with the friends that I love (to which I'll admit I wasn't the best at). The day I had Evan it was like a light switch was flipped and I didn't feel the same about things. I saw the world in a different light, and I still do. But, only a few weeks ago I started feeling like my old self again. I finally feel like I got a grasp on this parenting thing, although I'm still thrown for loops and will continue to be I'm sure.

I don't quite know how to explain it but the light switch that was flipped seems to be evening out again. Which makes it hard for me when I start to think about baby #2. Am I ready to go through everything again? Can I love another child like I love Evan? Will I ever have time for John and I again after #2? What will happen to my friendships?

All these questions bounce around in my head and I'll admit it makes me nervous to add to our family. I want Evan to have a brother or a sister and to experience that sibling bond. When I get around other babies I feel my biological clock ticking and find myself wanting another one. Then there are nights that I think to myself, things just started getting easy again do I really want to go through the newborn stage again? If it took me a year to feel normal again after one child, will it take two years after the second?

I know the man upstairs has a master plan for all of us, so I'm going to leave it up to him. I'm going to enjoy this new stage my family and I are moving into and most of all enjoy being me again!