Letting Go

One of the hardest things I deal with being a mom of two is the stress of everyday life. I have a type-A personality where I feel like I have to plan and organize everything in my life. It is my biggest strength (it's what I do for a living) and my biggest weakness. I have a hard time letting go and just letting things be. The saying "go with the flow" drives me nuts! I'm not a go with the flow kind of gal. With two kids under the age of 5, I feel like I have to plan out our weekends, our trips out, our week nights, EVERYTHING! I find planning helps make things go smoothly and helps me be prepared for whatever life might throw at us when we are going about our everyday lives.

The problem with this incessant need for me to plan is it brings a level of stress to my life that I could do without. I'm always thinking about what could go wrong and how I can fix it, which when I take a step back and think about it means I'm looking at the glass as half empty, instead of half full. And who wants to be that person? Not me. My ah-ha moment came to me this past weekend when I was stressing about having both boys by myself while John played at a all day softball tournament. For days, I thought up a plan of how I could keep my rambunctious three year old busy, while trying to keep my 9 month old on his schedule. I was exhausted just thinking about it all. Then Saturday came around and my first plan of the day came shattering down around me (which was a leisurely stroll on a walking trail to get some of Evan's energy out) when Evan insisted we go out in the back yard and play water wars and basketball. My first thought was, "how am I going to do this all while holding Logan (he's in the clingy stage right now where all he wants is for me to hold him)"?

To my surprise Logan and Evan both loved getting in on the water gun action and they were both belly laughing the entire time, and I wound up having a great time too. My afternoon plan also didn't pan out when Evan decided to take a 3 hour nap (score!) which allowed me to have some extra one on one play time with Logan. Later that evening when we were at the park my heart grew when Evan came up and told me how much fun he had that day. The day when none of my plans worked but instead I just went with the flow. It made me stop and think about how many of life's moments I had been missing out on because they didn't fit into "my plan". How much undue stress I was bringing into my life because I have a tendency to look at the here and now instead of the big picture. It was an ah-ha moment for me and one that has brought about a new life motto I am going to try my best to live by. Let go and let God take over!

I think this will bring about a more fun, less stressed, more loving me. And to be honest I need that new me, my boys need that new me, and my husband needs that new me. I know it will take a lot of hard work to undo what my brain is hard wired to do, but I'm making a conscious effort going forward. Starting with a daily alarm that goes off on my phone during the week days at 5:30p (when I get home) and weekends at 7:30a (when we usually start the day) stating my new motto. I'm also going to let weekends happen as they may and rein my planning instinct in.

Here is to a new way of thinking, being and living! Letting go and letting God take over!